Self Care Isn't Selfish: What it Really Means to Take Care of Yourself

Noah Mickey • June 8, 2025

"You can't pour from an empty cup."


We hear that phrase all the time, but let’s be honest—it’s easier said than done. Between work, family, relationships, and everything else life throws at us, self-care can feel like a luxury, not a necessity. As a therapist, I often sit with people who feel overwhelmed, burned out, or disconnected from themselves. And almost always, there’s a common thread: they’re putting everyone else first and forgetting their own needs.


If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re doing your best to survive in a world that rarely encourages rest.


What Self-Care Really Means


Self-care has become a bit of a buzzword, and it often gets misunderstood. It’s not just about face masks or treating yourself (though those can be part of it). Real self-care is about checking in with yourself and responding with compassion.


From a psychological perspective, self-care helps regulate your nervous system and keeps your emotional tank from running on empty. It supports resilience, mental clarity, and the ability to show up for others. It’s not just maintenance—it’s prevention.


Think of it this way: self-care is listening to what your body and mind are asking for, and giving yourself permission to meet those needs without guilt.


Research shows that when we regularly practice self-care, we’re more likely to experience lower levels of stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion (Shapiro et al., 2007).


My Own Journey with Self-Care


I’ll be honest—there was a time when I thought rest had to be earned. I prided myself on being productive, on getting things done, on pushing through even when I was running on fumes. But over time, I realized that constantly overriding my own limits didn’t make me stronger—it made me numb.


Now, I think of self-care as a relationship with myself. Some days, it looks like turning off my phone and taking a walk. Other days, it’s saying “no” to something—even when I feel guilty—and trusting that my needs matter too.


In my work with clients, I see this pattern over and over. People who care deeply for others but struggle to care for themselves. People who’ve been taught to equate rest with laziness. Together, we work on rewriting that story.


Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated


It’s not about doing everything right—it’s about doing something kind for yourself. Here are a few simple practices that can help you reconnect:


Emotional self-care: Pause and name what you’re feeling. Let yourself cry. Journal without editing.

Physical self-care: Stretch your body. Drink a glass of water. Go to bed 30 minutes earlier.

Social self-care: Text a friend. Ask for help. Set a boundary.

Spiritual self-care: Spend time in nature. Practice mindful breathing. Reflect on what gives your life meaning.


Start small. One small act of care today can build momentum for tomorrow.


You Deserve Care—Not Just in Crisis


You don’t have to wait until you’re completely depleted to give yourself care. You deserve rest, support, and compassion because you’re human—not because you’ve earned it.


If self-care feels confusing or out of reach, you’re not failing. You might just need a little space to figure out what it looks like for you. Therapy can be that space. You don’t have to navigate it alone.


References


• Shapiro, S. L., Brown, K. W., & Biegel, G. M. (2007). Teaching self-care to caregivers: Effects of mindfulness-based stress reduction on the mental health of therapists in training. Training and Education in Professional Psychology, 1(2), 105–115.

• Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.


Want to explore what self-care could look like in your own life?


Therapy can offer a supportive space to reconnect with yourself, build healthier boundaries, and learn how to care for your emotional well-being.


Start here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/noah-mickey-carnegie-pa/1272828